Day 5: Khao Lak

There are a few things that you shouldn’t do in Thailand.

You don’t drink the water. You are specifically warned NOT to drink the water. I’m not sure whether the locals drink it, but all travel sites specially warn that it is not safe to drink. 

Not only is it not safe to drink, but you don’t even use it to brush your teeth – they give you bottled water for that. 

Unfortunately it is pretty easy to forget … you brush your teeth, run your toothbrush under the tap and pop it back in your mouth … and WHAM!

I can’t remember which end it all comes out of – poo or spew – but I recall that it is a swift and sure way to offset the damage done from overeating. That extra 2kg you put on is gone, just like that. BAM!

Nudity is also not allowed because the locals are quite strict and religious. I assume it is allowed in the privacy of your own bathroom, but not on the beach. 

They probably should extend that rule to people who are old enough to know better, but walk around the pool in their way-too-brief budgie smugglers and bikinis. 

If you are more than 5 years old, or weigh more than 100kg, cover it up because we don’t want to see it. 

Because you can’t un-see it!

You also probably don’t want to ignore the Tsunami evacuation route signs, because … well, because. Getting washed away by a Tsunami is not on my bucket list, especially when I don’t have my boogie board with me.

We started the day with a healthy breakfast. I’m still not sure why I had (or enjoyed) an omelette with a side of bacon and fish in orange sauce, but it was good. 

And fish is brain food, so I’ll make better decisions. 

Today is our second full day here at Khao Lak. Yesterday we found ourselves a couple of recliners and lazed by the pool for a few hours. 

Today I got a memo that MBW wanted to get a recliner on the beach. Now there are a couple of problems with that. 

Firstly, as beautiful as Thailand is, the beaches here are nothing compared to Surfers Paradise. We have the best beaches in the world on our doorstep, and I’m not sure that we realise – or appreciate it. 

But my bigger concern was Greenpeace. 

I don’t know if they are active here in Thailand, but I was genuinely concerned about waking up from a nap on my recliner and finding a bucket brigade trying to keep me cool, while their colleagues try to roll me back into the ocean. 

But then I realised that the people more at risk – the truly fat people – are the ones who also have poor judgement and lie on the beach in their way-too-brief swimwear.

We spent a lovely couple of hours at the beach, went for a dip in the ocean .. which was hotter than body temperature and really quire rough … before retreating to the pool again.

Another forecast of rain, yet another spectacular sunny day. Weather forecasting is obviously a black art practiced all over the world. 

Back to our room for a freshen up and to get dressed, and we went out for a walk. 

There were a coupe of places that MBW had marked in Google Earth that she wanted to look at, so off we went. It looked like we’d be walking some distance today, so joggers were the preferred footwear over thongs.

It was really hot today. At one point my phone’s weather app reported that it was 33 degrees that felt like 40, and it sure felt like 40.

We’d been out browsing through souvenir shops for about an hour and the heat and humidity was starting to get to us. 

Being the safety conscious and risk averse people that we are, we decided to take shelter in a gelato shop … for our own protection, of course.

I really don’t understand how any of these people make any money, or even survive. 

Every single store front is either a Cafe, massage establishment, or souvenir shop, with the occasional gelato shop or cannabis dispensary thrown in.

Most of the owners either sit outside or the heat and tout for business as you walk past, or they sit inside with the lights and air-conditioning off (to save money, I assume), then rush around turning on lights and fans when you enter. 

We found a 7-Eleven so MBW could buy some shampoo and conditioner (… and chips and chocolate and …) then we found a little (huge, actually) market and browsed for gifts for the grandies. 

Spoiler alert: the grandies get spoiled, while our kids get nothing.

MBW practised her negotiation skills and managed to get some good bargains … well I assume they were good bargains, but all of that smiling could have been translated to “stupid tourists”.

It really was seriously hot, so we made our way back to the Ramada to shelter in the cool of our room until it was time for our grand entrance at 4.00pm cocktails. 

We had a table booked for dinner at 6.15, so we got our usual table and discussed whether to risk the Thai menu again, or revert back to the Western menu. 

You will recall that I have previously spoken about the young women in Singapore who set up every photo of themselves to capture themselves with their best pouty, hair-flicky best. Well, they crazy followed us to Khao Lak. 

Sitting at our dinner table we had front row seats to a self-absorbed crazy woman who not only got her significant other to take dozens of photos of her in all sorts of poses on his phone, but he then gave her the device so she could critique them and tell him how to do better.

We decided on the western menu again tonight, and I think we chose badly 😢. 

The food was OK, but we have had much better food, many times at other places and at other times. 

C’est la vie. It’s not like we needed to eat.

We’ve also noticed some tattoo joints around here, and we kicked around an idea about getting matching tattoos. This trip is partly post-retirement, partly MBW’s 60th birthday, and partly our 40th wedding anniversary, so we wondered about surprising the kids by coming home with some ink.

Do we get 2 halves of a love heart, or maybe something to recognise 40 years of marriage. 40 in Roman numerals is XL … which is also a reminder that my XL sized clothes are at risk of no longer fitting … so maybe we will scrap the tattoo idea after all.

And that’s about it for the day. More than 8000 steps which isn’t bad, but still feeling pretty relaxed.

Sleep, eat, swim, cocktails, eat, repeat.

We get to do it all over again tomorrow.

Ciao

#Thailand2024